8 Defense Mechanisms and How to Overcome Them
Everyone is guilty of being defensive at times. But what does it mean to be defensive, really?
Sigmund Freud coined the phrase defense mechanisms while his daughter, Anna Freud, went on to elaborate on the concept. The way we think of defense mechanisms has changed somewhat since these early writings, but simply put, defense mechanisms are largely-unconscious psychological habits we use to protect ourselves from feeling fear, shame, or sadness.
Put differently, psychodynamic defense mechanisms are inner tools that our minds use in an effort to cope with difficult feelings. When we experience a stressful event or interaction that threatens our sense of security, our psyches look for ways to defend itself.
Being able to protect ourselves from potential emotional injury during extremely stressful events is an important element of resilience; but sometimes, we come to rely too heavily on certain defense mechanisms, and as a result, we grow increasingly fragile and our relationships suffer.
So how can we navigate an often emotionally-dangerous world without becoming fragile? How can we be genuinely resilient in the face of challenging situations and conflicts, instead of becoming defensive?
In this blog post we will discuss 8 defense mechanisms that are especially common, and how to overcome defensiveness. Spoiler alert: the first step to being less defensive is to learn more about the different shapes your defensiveness may take—so read on!
Denial
The first psychodynamic defense mechanism on our list is denial. Everyone knows what denial is, and that it can make hard situations even harder. When we deny that something stressful has happened or is happening, we’re usually preventing ourselves from dealing with the problem.
If you’re thinking about times in your life when you were in denial of a particular situation, don’t be too hard on yourself. In retrospect, it might be easy to recognize how denial might’ve exacerbated a rough situation. But, the reason denial is so overwhelmingly common is that it really works—to relieve pain, that is. When we can even superficially convince ourselves that something terrifying or tragic isn’t happening, our suffering drops. And as humans, we are hardwired to love things that lessen our suffering in the short-term.
The good news is that, even though our brains may love denial, we don’t have to stay stuck in this habit forever, especially as it pertains to your day-to-day life.
Displacement
People who use displacement to cope with life tend to take their negative feelings about one person out on an entirely different, usually innocent, person. A person who’s furious with their boss, for example, might come home and take their anger out on a family member.
Like all defenses, displacement feels good to us in the moment—it allows us to express our anger (or other unpleasant feelings) and feel in control. By dumping our emotions on someone who doesn’t scare us, we get to feel big and powerful. Or, put differently, we get to escape our feelings of vulnerability and fear. The problem of course is that after that initial surge of satisfaction, we’re left feeling remorseful and ashamed of our actions.
And, there’s probably a very real benefit to displacement, in the moment—in the above example, the person who’s taking their rage out at home has successfully avoided blowing up at work, which could have serious financial consequences for the whole family.
Of course, displacement is almost never helpful—even in short-term, stressful situations. Displacing that anger into another relationship may save your job, but you’ll be harming that relationship. And, without any anger management tools, it’s likely to be unsustainable—you’re bound to eventually lose control of when and where you vent your feelings.
Of all the psychodynamic defense mechanisms, displacement may be one of the hardest for not only the defensive person—who’s likely struggling with shame and insecurity—but on family members and friends.
If this description sounds familiar, that’s great news—it means you’re willing to start recognizing this destructive pattern, which is an important first step.
Dissociation
Of the 8 defense mechanisms discussed in this blog post, dissociation might be the most inconspicuous, especially to those around you. Dissociation describes a sort of mental “checking out” that lets us bail out of unpleasant situations by going numb or detaching ourselves from the present.
If you consider yourself a daydreamer, don’t worry—not all dissociation is harmful or indicative of trauma. Humans naturally dissociate, or “zone out,” to cope with unpleasant feelings like boredom and frustration. This type of adaptive dissociation can help our brains save energy so we can better focus later on.
As with other psychodynamic defense mechanisms, dissociation can be quite adaptive in extremely stressful situations. For example—if a parent loses their spouse in a sudden accident, they may dissociate in the immediate aftermath so they can effectively take care of their children. In this case, dissociation would be protecting this parent from falling apart to such a degree that their children would be harmed by neglect, and they themselves would be additionally harmed by their own guilt.
Dissociation is maladaptive, or harmful, when we use it so much that it gets in the way of solving a problem that is in fact solvable. An example of this would be if a person was in an abusive relationship. They may be aware that the relationship is abusive (or, in other words, not in denial), but so dissociated from any feelings of anxiety or urgency that they remain in their unsafe environment.
Intellectualization
Imagine that a surgeon is conducting an operation, and an unexpected emergency arises. Would you want that surgeon to react by feeling the full weight of terror triggered by the potential of losing their patient? Or would you want them to remain firmly in control, capable of making swift, precise decisions?
The above hypothetical scenario is of course an example of how intellectualizing can be extremely helpful. There are certainly times when shutting down emotionally and redirecting our energy into logic, reasoning, and planning, is essential.
However, relying too heavily on this psychodynamic defense mechanism is a recipe for unhappiness.
Feelings are guideposts that allow us to make sense of life and all that has happened. Emotions are information we need in order to protect ourselves, remove ourselves from harmful situations, and intuitively “read” people and events. Emotions are also what allow us to feel deeply connected to others, and to feel fully alive in the present moment.
Projection
The term projection gets thrown around, but as one of the psychodynamic defense mechanisms it means that someone has a feeling or reaction that they do not want to feel or experience, or recognize in themself. The act of projection occurs when that feeling or attribute that we don’t like gets placed onto another person.
Let’s say a person seems to frequently comment about a friend of his who’s gained a little weight recently. The friend knows this about himself, but doesn’t mind too much—he’s been busy with a big project at work, and knows he’ll get back to the gym soon. But his friend just can’t let it go. Every time he’s in the company of their mutual friends, he can’t stop himself from making comments like, “I just can’t believe how he’s letting himself go,” and, “he must be depressed about it and just too ashamed to admit it.” Their mutual friends all suspect the same thing: his apparent inability to stop talking about his friend’s weight may indicate that he himself is feeling insecure about his own appearance.
We’re all familiar with scenarios like this one. And, if we’re lucky, we’ve been able to recognize when we’ve been guilty of projection ourselves—times we’ve been critical of others for traits we’re unhappy with in ourselves or situations we’re scared to face.
In the short-term, projection does a great job providing relief from shame and fear. Our external focus—on someone else’s personality or current life situation—is a great reprieve from the sometimes daunting task of looking inward and addressing our own issues.
However, that relief has a high cost. Similar to displacement, projection is almost never helpful, even during extreme circumstances. When used often, projection can warp our perspectives, making it harder and harder for us to see our own lives clearly and to meaningfully participate in relationships. If you’re guilty of projection and and curious about how to overcome defensiveness, you’ve already done the hardest part by acknowledging this behavior.
Reaction Formation
In Shakespeare’s Hamlet, Queen Gertrude describes an actor’s over-the-top performance as a wife declaring her loyalty by saying, The lady doth protest too much. Perhaps you’ve used this phrase—when, say, you’ve noticed a friend describing an attractive coworker. When you ask if they might have feelings for this coworker, they respond, “Oh my god, are you kidding? Ew, no! Never in a million years! I would NEVER date them! EVER!”
This example describes reaction formation, a psychodynamic defense mechanism in which a person demonstrates the opposite disposition that they actually feel. Another example would be if a person is going through a recent breakup, and emphatically tells all their friends how they’re doing absolutely fine, not missing their ex at all, and are purely excited to be single again.
In both of these examples, we can easily see the reason for reaction formation—having a crush and grieving a relationship are both intensely vulnerable states.
Importantly, reaction formation isn’t the same as simply lying. Rather, when we’re using reaction formation, we’re convincing ourselves that we do indeed feel these inauthentic emotions. The result, of course, is some short-term relief from our intense realities, and the long-term confusion of our own emotional experience. In other words, as with all of the 8 defense mechanisms, reaction formation may injure our emotional literacy over time, leaving us feeling alienated from ourselves.
Repression
You’ve probably heard the term repression before, but you may not know that it’s commonly confused with suppression, which describes the conscious, intentional “burying” of unwanted thoughts, feelings, or impulses. When we use repression, we’re silencing the unpleasant experience without any conscious effort.
The Freuds’ ideas about repression may be some of the more controversial among the psychodynamic defense mechanisms, and how we think of repression has evolved quite a bit over the decades. But, simply put, we use repression to alleviate us from desires that we worry could be problematic. Say for example that your building has a terrible landlord, who’s always coming by unannounced, making accusations, and neglecting repairs. It would be totally understandable to develop quite a bit of resentment—but you know that if you express any resentment, he’ll probably make your life even more miserable. Repression would allow you to get through all the conflicts without experiencing any of the resentment. You may even describe your landlord to others as merely, “a bit hard to communicate with sometimes.” Once you finally do move, you may find yourself hypervigilant and excessively guarded with your new landlord, almost as though you’ve developed some kind of phobia. You might be confused by your own reaction, since you thought you had handled your previous situation so well.
You may be noticing that repression is similar to denial. The key difference is that, whereas denial pertains to external circumstances, repression pertains to internal experiences. In the above example, you’re clearly aware of the actual circumstances—but you’ve repressed your resentment.
How to Overcome Defensiveness
If you’ve managed to read through these 8 defense mechanisms and identify some of your own defenses, congratulations—you’ve demonstrated the hardest part! After all, if you were completely defensive, this list would’ve simply made you say, “Oh I never do any of these things,” (repression!) or, “This is just like my friend, he is SO defensive…” (projection!).
We use psychodynamic defense mechanisms to avoid painful emotions like fear, shame, and self-loathing. That means that moving beyond defensiveness requires us to practice a tremendous amount of self-compassion. The first step in growing beyond maladaptive defenses is practicing identifying them. If we blame ourselves too harshly for being defensive, we’re destined to shut down. Instead, try thinking of your defenses as useful tools that have kept you safe, but that you’d like to set aside in favor of expanding your tool box.
Having a mindfulness practice that allows you to develop radical acceptance and self-compassion may be an excellent way to trade in your defensiveness for resilience. Once we’re able to believe that we’re good people who sometimes make mistakes, it becomes much easier to notice when we might be letting ourselves down by using unhelpful coping behaviors.
Consider Psychotherapy Today
Therapy can also be a great way to let go of the psychodynamic defense mechanisms holding you back. This is especially true if you struggle with anxiety and depression, which are very often exacerbated by defensive thought patterns.
In my practice, I use a humanistic perspective that empowers you to be the expert of your own experience. I’ve also found that some CBT practices can help clients learn how to consistently identify the painful thoughts they’re experiencing that are triggering their defenses. Sometimes, clients and I find that an old trauma is at the core of their defenses, and that a psychodynamic approach allows them to discover insight that leads to healing.
If you’d like to connect or set up a consultation, reach out at https://www.erikandersontherapy.com/contact. I work with clients across California, both in-person at my office in Mar Vista and online.